40-year-old grandparents pay their live-in 20-year-old daughter's bills, scolding her when the single mom spends money on a vacation: 'We are financially supporting her and also footing $1000s in legal fees'

Author image for Jesse Kessenheimer
Jesse Kessenheimer • Writer and Editor
Jan 7, 2026 3:00 PM EST

Adults pay their own bills.

A single mothers working her way through nursing school probably needed a break, but when this 20-year-old, live-in daughter spent thousands of dollars on a personal vacation, her parents felt used, especially after bankrolling all of her bills.

They say it takes a village to raise a little one, but when you're a struggling 18-year-old with a positive pregnancy test, you're going to need more than a village… You might just need a miracle. Luckily for this single mom, her miraculous family stepped up, helping her get on her feet, supporting her financially, and taking over baby duties. Happy to help their child with a complicated life quandary, a pair of young grandparents, only in their 40s themselves, took on a ton of responsibility in their beloved daughter and grandson's lives. Picking up the bills, filling the fridge, and providing a roof over their heads, they took on the role of Super Grandma and Super Grandpa. However, after two years of enjoying the comforts of living at home, the single mother got a little too comfortable under the wing of her heroes, spitting in the face of their generosity when she treated herself to an expensive vacation, ignoring the sacrifices that everyone around her had made to make her feel safe. 

Everyone was supposed to tighten their budgets, not just Meemaw and Poopaw. 

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  • 40-year-old couple walking together in nature.
    via kate_sept2004

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Generosity is a funny thing. While nobody who is genuinely generous is looking for a repayment, oftentimes recognition is the least a recipient can do. Offspring are rarely grateful for the help, care, and money that parents provide, but once you become a parent yourself, the sacrifices required to be a good parent should become wildly apparent. You could say that, “Game recognizes game.” 

    It's for this reason that becoming a grandparent is such a cool experience. You get to see the child that you raised raise another human being, interjecting with lavish birthday gifts and a touch of spoiling. Grandparents love to spoil their grandchildren whenever possible, ignoring their own rules from back in the day in order to give the new kiddo in their lives the biggest smile they've ever seen. Grandparents would do just about anything for that little shrimp, so when it becomes clear that their kid would rather spoil themselves than their own offspring, the dilemma of parenting and grandparenting opens a rift in the family structure so unavoidably enormous, that the elephant in the room can easily squeeze through. 

  • "[I told] my daughter a trip for fun was a no go"

    1 40(F) and husband 42(M) have 4 children our oldest son 22(M) lives on his own. We have 20(F), 18(M), 10(F) and our 2 year old grandson that live with us. Our 20 year old daughter is currently
    via Aromatic-Choice376
  • a single mom in nursing school she lives with us we pay for pretty much all expenses seeing as she is in school and we want to see her succeed. I also
    via Aromatic-Choice376
  • dropped my full time hours at work in order to help with childcare so she can work and attend school. We have had to cut back and money is much. tighter but all in all we are able
    via Aromatic-Choice376
  • to help her at this time and thankful we can help her as we were also teen parents with not much help we lived on our own worked paid our own bills lived on a tight budget. Now comes
    via Aromatic-Choice376
  • the AITA part, so as stated we pretty much support our daughter and grandson while she is in school. We are also paying for her attorney for child support/custody not something
    via Aromatic-Choice376
  • she wanted to do but the father started a legal battle after she tried to work things out civilly. We have taken all of our children on spring break vacations and
    via Aromatic-Choice376
  • Portrait of a young woman in a local park.
    via kate_sept2004

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • summer vacations every year and always paid for these trips. Last summer our daughter decided her and grandson were going to go on a trip to Alaska to visit friends that live there. They
    via Aromatic-Choice376
  • would fly out the day we returned from our summer trip. Husband and I kept our mouths shut and let her go. Now I caught wind she is planning another trip to Alaska when her
    via Aromatic-Choice376
  • semester ends in spring. I told her absolutely not as we are financially supporting her and our grandson and also footing thousands in legal fees for an attorney. Her taking a trip and
    via Aromatic-Choice376
  • spending that kind of money is disrespectful in my opinion. If she can spend that money than she should be paying her own bills. I told her although she is an adult and can make her own
    via Aromatic-Choice376
  • choices that she lives in our house and those choices come with consequences such as her car, insurance, phone and all other financial support would be over. Essentially this would be
    via Aromatic-Choice376
  • the straw that broke the camels back. As much as I don't want to see her struggle as a young single mom I'm also not going to let her be disrespectful and take advantage of our willingness to
    via Aromatic-Choice376
  • help. She is upset and says this is no different than her going on spring break or summer vacation with us as a family and that I'm just trying to hold her back and don't want her to
    via Aromatic-Choice376
  • travel or have any fun. That she deserves to travel and go on adventures if she chooses to do so. So AITA for telling her she will essentially be cut off from help financially if she chooses to
    via Aromatic-Choice376
  • take this expensive trip? Do you consider taking a trip as a family and paying the adult child's expenses different then them taking a trip on their own and spending thousands of dollars when they aren't supporting themselves.
    via Aromatic-Choice376

  • From the Author

    SORE C
    via JesKessenheimer

    "You can't pick your family, but you can choose how to respond to the people in your life who love you. Recognizing that another person has made sacrifices to your benefit is crucial to being a grateful recipient of another person's generosity. Although it can be nice to put yourself first in life, by rewarding and celebrating successes, perhaps before doing that, think about the people in your family who have put your needs before theirs: It might be time to celebrate their sacrifices instead of your own."

  • MerlinBiggs NTA. You've reordered your life and are working to help her and grandson out. Your not doing this so she can party. If she can afford to vacation she can afford to support herself. You've done your child raising. Time to spend your own money on yourself.
    via MerlinBiggs
  • OP Aromatic-Choice376 Thank you I feel valid in my thoughts but some how still feel guilty. We want the best for both of them but I also don't want her to have unrealistic expectations of REAL adult life. My husband and I struggled as teen parents living on our own and raising our children while furthering education. It wasn't fun it was a struggle but we managed to succeed. That required a strict budget, both of us working, no new phones, no cable tv, using local churches that offered food bund
    via Aromatic-Choice376
  • khendr352 Your daughter is completely ungrateful for all the help you have given her. She is entitled and spoiled. But guess who made her that way...you did! You made everything easy even though she made stupid decisions. You need to charge significantly to live at home or she is out. Quit paying her bills. She needs to become an adult. She is still acting like an adolescent and you are enabling her. Stop it now!!!!
    via khendr352
  • OP Aromatic-Choice376 I agree we have contributed to her being spoiled. The hard part is I don't want to see my grandson suffer so we continue to support her but I think this is the final straw.
    via Aromatic-Choice376
  • International-Fee255 NTA Time for a reality check here. Look at local rent prices, childcare prices etc and get an invoice ready for your daughter. She is being selfish (which isn't unexpected or unusual at her age) and she needs to knowhow lucky she is. Maybe a part time job for a while, where she pays for childcare might show her how far her hard earned money will go.
    via International-Fee255
  • OP Aromatic-Choice376 She does work at the hospital as a PCA and does work as much as she can with her school schedule and that income is just enough for her car payment and gas money. Where she thinks she is getting money for airfare is beyond me but I agree if she can hustle to earn that money it can be put towards other bills.
    via Aromatic-Choice376
  • Jujubee7683 NTA, but... it seems like you're targeting her time and money spent on this friend in Alaska. At the same time, it seems like you're paying for things that are luxuries for others who are on a serious budget (car, phone, etc). Sometimes, this kind of "you can't do that or I stop paying your way" situation emerges when parents are using their financial support to encourage/discourage specific choices. Like if you don't approve of this friend in Alaska. And if you're doing that then YW
    via Jujubee7683
  • OP Aromatic-Choice376 I'm not at all against the friend in Alaska as they have been friends since grade school. Her friend is the same age as her but has 2 kids and is stationed in Alaska with her husband. Her friend is also my sons soon to be sister in law. So I'm in no way against the friend just against her thinking she deserves a trip if she can't support her basic necessities of living.
    via Aromatic-Choice376
  • creakyforest I don't think you're an AH; you're being incredibly generous. At the same time, it isn't reasonable to expect to control how your daughter spends her money. It seems as if she has extra cash on hand because of all that you're doing for her. What do you want her to do with it? Genuinely asking. Is the expectation that she save it? Would you have this same frustration if she frittered it away gradually on things. throughout the year? Do you want her to start contributing to her expens
    via creakyforest
  • OP Aromatic-Choice376 We have had multiple conversations that she needs to be saving her money or if she has extra money than she should be taking care of her cellphone and insurance at the bare minimum as these were expenses she was paying before becoming single and starting school. We only picked up these expenses when she became single and started school and was unable to work the hours she was previously working. I feel like she has a very clear view of the expectations she just chooses to i
    via Aromatic-Choice376
  • Dubious PeoplePleaser What exactly is she spending her child support on? It should go towards the baby's expenses. She isn't working outside of schools, so child support and any state money is all she has. You need to set her down and make sure she is actually contributing. Set her down and make a list of all expenses. Under child care you put the cost as the money you lost on cutting hours. Then she needs to produce what she gets every month. Then work out how much she gives you every month. If
    via Dubious PeoplePleaser
  • OP Aromatic-Choice376 No child support no contributions from father since he decided to leave and she doesn't qualify for any state help because she is under the age of 22 and they consider us her parents to be responsible for her.
    via Aromatic-Choice376
  • Illustrious_March192 NTA. Your daughter is acting very entitled. I understand you don't want your child to have to go through what you did as young parents but maybe she needs to struggle. There is no way she could afford to take this trip if you weren't footing the bill for her child. That is her responsibility. I would've had a come-apart if my child w/ grandchild told me she "deserved" to travel and go on adventures while I was supporting them. She needs to get her priorities straight. I see
    via Illustrious_March192
  • OP Aromatic-Choice376 She will be taking her child as she took him last time also. She really doesn't do anything without her child other than work and school. She isn't out partying or hanging with friends while I'm at home with child that would never fly with me. She has been out once to a concert without her son and that's the only thing in the 2 years she has had a child.
    via Aromatic-Choice376
  • spinonesarethebest I wouldn't have supported the first trip. NTA.
    via spinonesarethebest
  • OP Aromatic-Choice376 I didn't support the first trip directly no money was directly contributed to her funds to go on trip just indirectly by us covering her housing food daily expenses etc because she lives with us.
    via Aromatic-Choice376
  • RickRussellTX NTA. There's no money. If she wants her own separate trips from the rest of the family, she needs to find money. If she can't fund it, she can't go. It's a simple problem with a simple solution.
    via RickRussellTX
  • OP Aromatic-Choice376 Yes he is trying to not pay child support but also only wants about 6 visitation days a month.
    via Aromatic-Choice376
  • QueenClaude NTA especially because you are making sacrifices to help your daughter establish herself. I would somewhat support your daughter if she wanted to take a modest vacation or two each year, but the Alaska trips seem excessive for her means. How is she in general when it comes to money management? How has she been able to finance the trips? Was it through savings? credit card debt?
    via QueenClaude
  • OP Aromatic-Choice376 The first trip to Alaska was a gift from her friend she was visiting. Other trips have been family trips we have taken all of our children on. Before becoming single and starting school she did pay her car payment, insurance, phone, and they paid rent. At that time I wouldn't have said a word about what she was doing or traveling but now that we are supporting and helping her she knows our expectations and spending money on luxuries over necessities is not acceptable.
    via Aromatic-Choice376

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